Being 25...

I have been 25 years old for a whole four days! Here are some of the things that i have learnt so far... I'm still not off the bottle and i still CRAWL to bed OCCASIONALLY!

Well, there's nothing different about being 25 other than the fact that you actually start looking in the mirror and say to yourself... "FUCK! I'm getting OLD! In five years i will be THIRTY! THIRTY is half way to SIXTY! Come to think of it, at 25 i am a quarter of a CENTURY old! FUCK!"

So what have i learnt the past 25 years? Quite alot actually... Let me quickly go into "flashback" mode and check... Lets start RIGHT at the beginning(DAMN! Not that far back! Fast forward nine months... We don't need to know how good i was at swimming!)...

So the first thing i learnt was how "kinky" doctors can get when they see "fresh" ass! Oh he is not kinky you say? Then why did he have to SLAP my ass!?! ;-)

I then learnt how to crawl then walk then eventually i learnt how to stop crapping in my pants! Went to school, learnt how to read, write, tell time... I also learnt(ofcourse the hard way!) that it isn't such a kosher idea to not do that shit teachers call homework... As i got older, i realised that these pimples were evil, then came the "stonies"... That time of a mans life where his nipples are even more sensitive than his "cash&prizes" box... The best way i can describe "stonies" is you know when you drink something super cold, that searing pain you get through your forehead called BRAINFREEZE? Now imagine that pain in your nipples! And it's a constant pain! Bad huh? Well some how, some way you always get some asshole who obviously hasn't had "stonies" come up to you when you have them and SLAPS you with a FRYING PAN on your chest! As you lie in pain he stands there LAUGHING! Why?

Then came the first time i shaved! It was so exciting! I had already heard horror stories of people who used their dad's razor's and get a serious zit infestation! So i used a clean razor to take at the SIX hairs on my face! I was so proud of my SIX hairs that i almost framed the used razor to hang it up on my wall... But then, while parading the razor around, my brother looks at me and says, "Oh, you took out your BUM FLUFF already!"... I almost cried! How could he refer to my "beard" as BUM FLUFF!?! (I hated that word so much, that i almost shaved my ASS right on the spot!)

Could carry on, but i'm getting tired and this is getting too long...

I hope the next the 25 prove to be just as educational and 100 times more pleasant(AKA-No more "stonies"&zits or setbacks!)

Ciao... Please stay tuned! :-)

Winter pissing

Hi there, okay maybe i am the only living creature on this dome we call planet earth that actually experiences this phenomenon every winter, but i am going to share it anyway!

I piss ALOT in winter! Much much more than in summer! i have no idea why, but i do... If i was a camel, every winter i would be abolished from the rest of the herd(i have no idea if you refer to a group of camels as a herd but you get my drift right?). The other camels would think one of my humps has a LEAK in it!

It's like my kidneys go into hibernation or something... So whatever i drink goes down there and probably sees a sign on each of my kidneys that says" SEE YOU IN SPRING" and has to go straight through without a "pitstop"!

You know what i hate(besides getting up in the middle of a cold winter night to go take a leak!)... When you got to go REAL BAD, you've been holding it for hours... It's like a whole cluster of pisses that joined forces and are rioting in there and you are somewhere waiting in a line, by yourself and the dude behind you just happens to be the guy who's girlfriend you hit on last weekend when you we're FUBAR! So you can't leave... You start holding on to all the shit that's around you, you start by tapping your feet, trying to negotiate a deal with the leaders of that "cluster" you have within... You break in a cold sweat... Then you start dancing "the twist" only it's a "retarded" version of it just to get rid of the urge to piss right there...

Now just think of all that on a COLD winter morning/night! It would be worse!

All this piss talk is setting me off... Sorry for leaving you with a possible visual... But i gotta GO and Go... if you know what i mean!

Ciao. Thanks and Please Stay tuned! :-)