Global Frying!?!

Today is the 31st of August which means technically Spring is only arriving tomorrow! But here at the coordinates I call home, Spring is already here! The bitch arrived dressed to kill in high temperature's! Yes the temperature's were doing a deadly dance around the 30 Degrees Celsius mark here today!

Most people are jumping for fucking joy as they donate, burn or bury their jackets, gloves beanies and jerseys! But not me! I don't dig seasons that come standard with temperatures above the 15 Degrees Celsius mark. So it is with much regret that I am forced to kick my winter wear to the curb as of tomorrow! I don't like summer for a vast number of reasons but the main one being because I am nowhere near a beach... If I ever feel the need to cool off and unwind in some near frozen H2O, I only have two options... 1) My bathtub/shower OR 2) The local Public Pool. Both of these options kinda suck... In option one, there are no waves or babes to keep you both busy and entertained while you deplete your body heat and in option two... We all know what happens in public pools... Considering how much smaller it is compared to the ocean... I rate i would rather take a dive in a toilet... Atleast THAT has a FLUSH!

Not to mention that my not so good friend Insomnia feels obliged to arrive at random much more often during Global Warming Peak Times like Summer & Spring! I also hate it when I finish bathing and like two hours later I'm just as wet as when I got out of the shower! (If your configuration allows this) Have you ever walked around with a sweaty NUTSACK!? It's not cool... Trust me! Another thing I hate about summer... When you get into your car, it's like a fucking oven, you can't touch the steering wheel(And no matter how many times it happens to you... You ALWAYS forget that minor detail & burn the fuck out of your hands!) I also hate how my aircon gets lazy in summer and I have to crank it up to maximum for afew seconds, just to kick it in the ass so it can start releasing cold air!

I don't drink coffee(Unless it's of irish descent!) Instead I drink cold Milo... Thats how I start all my mornings(unless I have a hangover) and every time Global Warming kicks in...Guaranfuckendamnteed(That's a word as of now just by the way!) every year, I will drink offed milk by accident... It happened today!

But it's not all doom and gloom... On the plus side... I have a more valid reason to drink BEER!.. To keep my body temperature at a healthy and constant 36 Degrees Celsius and nothing higher... Homeostasis is a clear indication of good health! ;-)

I was listening to Alanis Morisette-Thank You & Hands Clean as I wrote this... Awesome songs! She is a very talented chick!

I hope you all enjoy the elevated temperatures as much as i am going to hate them!

Ciao. Stay Tuned! :-)

Chers Mate!

Yes I have mentioned on my blog before about the first time I got fired... It was about six years ago, I was nineteen, in the UK...

I had an opportunity to go there and ofcourse took it with both hands, people were flocking to the UK back then as if it was the "Promised Land" where you just get there and amazing shit just randomly starts happening! Is that what happened for me... Not exactly... But I don't regret it, it was very educational. I was there for six months and it was like taking one of those short courses that just give you a touch of the subject matter in question to prepare you for the diploma. Those six months I spent in the UK were like a short course of life! Would I go back? There was a time in my life when I would say absolutely not! But now, I've changed my mind... if I had a decent opportunity to go there, I would... It definitely isn't my first choice of places to move to, but if I saw something worth my while that I could do there, I absolutely would!

But back to the time when I broke my UK cherry... I was fucking excited, my first job was at a coffee shop. I remember going for the interview, the manageress was a South African chicky, she had one look at my CV and looked up at me in amazement... I thought to myself, I would be amazed too if I saw a guy that young with so many years of Fruit & Veg work already under his belt! "Are you nineteen?" she asked. "Yes." I replied. Turns out she was fucking amazed about how youthful I WAS as opposed to how youthful I LOOKED! I got the job. Fuck Yeah!

Cleaning toilets, mopping floors, clearing tables... Were all part of the job! I even had a "job title" to disguise the fact that I wasn't at the bottom of the ladder, but actually putting it up STILL! I was officially a "Table Cleaner"! A slight memory lapse with potential to break bones was what cost me my job... My career as a "Table Cleaner" came to a rather abrupt end and became part of history just days after I made the mistake of mopping the floor without putting up the "CAUTION" signs! It SLIPPED my mind that even though people could see I was mopping, they might not know that wet floors can cause them to fall on their asses if I don't let them read it for themselves!

In walks my manageress and slips! She didn't fall on her ass but she did lose her balance for enough time to come to the conclusion that I was not the right dude for the job... After reading me the riot act, days later she had apparently found someone with "more experience" and let me go!

I hope I don't ever get fired again but if I ever do, I hope it's for something a little more serious like arriving drunk or something. Getting fired for not putting up a CAUTION: WET FLOOR sign is just FUCKING STRANGE...

Stay Tuned. Ciao! :-)

La Fiesta Tomatina

Okay so I'm not EESPANISH... So I don't know if that is even the right name of the said festival, but I did see it on the news last night!

EESpanish people are crazy and brave as fuck! Would you willingly try and outrun a raging bull all in the name of fun!? EXACTLY! Fuck no! Yes once a year, the lovely Spaniards get together all in their white "Run for your fucking lives" Uniforms and just let a couple of chronically pissed off bulls loose in the middle of town to run after them! The ones who are alive and not maimed in any kind of way by the end of this race... Have a good laugh and celebrate life! AMAZING! I admire them for that!

But this blogpost isn't about the bright brass "cajones" of the eespanish personas! This is about another festival that took place the other day there... La Fiesta Tomatina... Where a whole bunch of people take a couple of truckloads of tomatoes and pelt eachother with it in a friendly food fight! Awesome! They paint the town red literally! At this year's festival they used a mere 125 TONS of tomatoes! Where the fuck did they find so many fucking tomatoes!? I bet you there are no porras in Spain! (Even though we live next door!) I bet you there were a bunch of my kind saying: "125 TONS! Shit what a waste! Do you know how many boxes of tomatoes can be made and sold out of 125 tons!" ;-)

This Fiesta is something I would love to experience sometime! Really, it is on my "To Do" list (Which I will be adding very soon!)... Awesome stuff I tell you! Imagine this! Yes good people, you know you can always count on me with my warped imagination to put a spin on things and bring a whole new dimension to a perfectly normal thing like throwing 125 000 kilograms of tomatoes around! If I ever mission off to Spain, I will create a festival of my own! I will call it the "Perro Calente"(Hotdog) Festival... Anyone wanting to enter will have to pay though...(Only to cover costs) We will have 125 tons of cooked viennas, 125 tons of tomato sauce, 125 tons of mustard and 125 tons of bread rolls... That will be an awesome food fight of ready made hotdogs! When you get tired of peting other people, you just eat! I will make sure it is held in October, same time as the Beer Festival in Germany so that at the end of the festival we just mission over to Germany and quench our thirsts! Or if you're an adrenaline junkie and feeling a little violent, you could always just skip the hot dog idea and use glass bottles of tomato sauce to throw at eachother... Each bottle holds +- 36 tomatoes, so it will be like cluster bombs! Just make sure you have an AWESOME medical aid if you try this! I reckon a decent plastic surgeon would also come in handy! ;-)

I am taking a very nostalgic trip today. I'm listening to Sugar Ray-"Mean Machine" & "Someday"... I loved these songs when i was fifteen! Still great songs! But fuck I am feeling old now!!!

Ciao. Stay Tuned.

Officially off the pill...

This is a an absolutely true story! I am off "the pill"... My Anti's are all taken! I feel much better and am ready to drink up a storm... Even if it passes before midnight! ;-)

I am not much of a drinker, infact I am a very shit drinker... The problem is I think I have a lazy liver, it simply can't do the "job" at hand adequately! I pass out, get carried, puke at random like most of my fellow drinkers... But I usually get there much faster, which is kinda sad, but oh well whatever... Practise makes perfect right!? I will one day master the craft! It's "gym" for my liver... It will one day be fit and strong enough to handle "workload"! ;-)

I could swear I heard people jumping and screaming for joy all the way from Germany as October slowly creeps in! I bet excitement is already the order of the day there as they count down the days to "Oktober Fees"... For those of you who may have been unfortunately stuck under a rock and don't know what the fuck I am talking about! The "Oktober Fees" is a full on celebration of the bitter bubbly that fills our hearts with joy, our stomachs with fermented gas and our heads with dizzying, shitty thoughts! Yes "Oktober Fees" is an "off the hook" celebration of my favourite alcoholic beverage... BEER! Now I haven't had the honour of attending one of these festivels but I would love to sometime very soon!

Apparently Beer flows much more than water in any kind of stream or river ever can! They sell it in two litre mugs!(Oh fucking BLISS!) In October ALL watches STOP in Germany and everywhere you look... It is BEER O' CLOCK! It is EVERYWHERE apparently! I have to go there and get my Dr.'s degree in beer drinking at some point in an october in the very near future! :-)

Today's song: Counterfeit-Limp Bizkit! These guys were awesome!

Ciao. Stay Tuned! :-)

Hair resistant plasters

No I am not drunk or high! I am still on "The Pill"... The title of this is about what I would invent right now if I was some kind of inventor type dude!

It sounds crazy but trust me it's not! I had a plaster on the other day, I removed it yesterday and it left me with "premature balding" on the said area, a much dirtier mouth(even by my f***ing standards) and pain! Yeah, yeah ladies you can stop calling me a p*ssy now, I know you wax which is obviously painful and you take it like real woMEN, so congrats on that! Can i stop applauding now?

But I think if this invention was ever possible it would be very beneficial to us european men who are pain intolerant! True to form today was a really shitty day... all the symptoms were there... It was an extremely long day, my patience was like last weeks cold front (Below zero) and something as simple as staying awake was a mission of note! I was major tired the whole day! Monday is always such a mind f*ck!

I am listening to hits by Chris Daughtry (Home, Breakdown & Over You.) The man is a legendary talent with an equally amazing story! He entered didn't win but is so good that he is right up there next to Kelly Clarkson as the most well known product of American Idols and I can clearly see why, the man is brilliant! He writes songs that are heavy enough for a rock fan like myself to enjoy and his lyrics are very touching... Lyrics that we can all relate to in one aspect or another of our lives! He followed his dream, didn't ever give up and it paid off now! The man has worked very hard and is now reaping the rewards! Truly inspiring! :-)

Ciao. Stay Tuned

Rewind

Got up at 4am to play "rewind"... I have done a couple of things this week that I never thought I would ever do in my life!

The first of these things was take off my pants and bend for a guy!(Calm the fuck down!) There was absolutely nothing sexual about what I done! But the dude did take out his massive tool and shoved it into my ass! (Relax!) I was feeling a little under the weather and since I had spent last weekend with a couple of friends who weren't sure about their swine flu status, I decided it was best if I went to the doctor to check my health! He told me it was a regular flu and gave me an injection in my ass for good measure! So yeah not only is the good man about twice my age, but he must have been very charming because when he told me to turn around and take off my pants, I didn't hesitate! Must've been the size of his needle! ;-)... Paedophilia!?

In other news, I'm pretty sure a small corner of hell just froze over!(Ofcourse i didn't go and check, I don't plan on "making a turn" there... EVER!) Why? I went out on friday night and DID NOT I repeat DID NOT get shit faced! Infact I didn't touch a drop of alcohol! my liver is beaming with pride! I'm on "the pill" for the next five days...(Antibiotics) But I had a good time! It's not about the drinking, it's about the company! I had a good laugh with afew of my mates at a restaurant talking about the happenings of "The farm" and then we went out to this dodgy place where we spent the worst fifteen bucks possible just to go inside! After one drink we fucked off because there was already a fairly large, fairly intoxicated man proclaiming his innocence quite confidently after he was accused of petty thievery! It went something like this: "I didn't STOLE your phone..." Yeah, that one legendary line was our ticket out of "Planet Dodge" and back into civilization!

In more news, a ZIT recently took up residence in the strangest place on my body!... My shoulder! It actually popped yesterday but I will spare you the gory details! I am just wondering, aren't I a little too old to be getting zits!? I thought zits disappeared with puberty! Guess not! I have heard of "new" beginnings... But this is ridiculous! Next thing you know I will be getting "stonies" all over again!

I listen to music now when I write my blog, so i will be sharing whatever song I am listening to from now on! (No matter how cool or ridiculous, wait a minute... It's never RIDICULOUS... I think I have AWESOME taste in music!) ;-).... Today's very inspiring song: Guano Apes- No Speech

Ciao. Please Stay Tuned!

Sensitivity

Girls apparently like sensitive guys.... I am just generalising here... Shit, I've only been married once, so how the fuck should I know!?

But that is the general idea! Right!?(That was a rhetorical question, please don't correct me if I am wrong! Thanks...) Well if there is any morsel of truth in that apparent theory, then shit I have to go out tonight and totally get laid somewhere because right now I am the most sensitive guy I know right now!(I had to say "right now" twice to just emphasize the fact!;)

I got out of the shower and almost cried! Watching the soap wash away into the drain... Earlier on I got my ass kicked by my 8 year old nephew with his 4 year old brother! The odds were against me, it was two on one! My finger tips are screaming for mercy as I type this blogpost! I think if I have to watch a sunset or sunrise I will die! How the hell can you stand or sit outside in the gale force winds when you have a flu the size of the great wall of China lurking inside you!?!

Yes my heightened sense of fragility is due to a flu that stole what was left of my manliness a couple of hours ago and has left me more sensitive than a cock head... NOW that is sensitive!

I hate flu, it makes you cough as if you have been ODing on nicotine since before you started shaving! You sneeze so many times people around you get tired of "blessing you" and you start humming to the tune of your after sneeze sound effect! HAAACHOOOWEEE!!! You go through toilet paper as if it's beer, which makes your nose so red it glows in the fucking dark!!!

But the worst thing about a flu is how damn sensitive you get! The slightest touch to your body can send you wriggling and shaking in pain as if you were in a stampede! It sucks! So guys if your chicks ever mention that you are not sensitive enough, do yourselves a favour, book a holiday with her to the coldest place you know, when you arrive, on the very first NIGHT(Very NB detail!) put on your swim suit... Actually no... Just go in your birthday suit to the BEACH!... take a swim... Just before hypothermia sets in, get out and pull out suntan lotion and ask her to rub it all over your body, then just lie there till the wind dries up the lotion... If you are still alive after all this and are worried that you look like a gigantic raisin... No worries, it's part of the plan!

I can almost guaranfuckentee you that she will be so fed up with having to take care of your frail, sensitive body that if she doesn't dump your stupid ass, she will love you more and more everytime you force her to watch ESPN with you! She will even give you service with a smile when you force her to get up every five minutes to"Bitch, get me another beer!" (PS: This blogpost was inspired by WWE- Please don't try this at home!) ;-)

Ciao. Thank you all. Please Stay Tuned! :-)

Does he dig Gardening!?

I was at work today doing the tasks that are part of my job description when he walked in...

I froze in amazement... he casually strolled in as if everything was absolutely normal, even his well hung fingernail, confidently going about whatever it was he wanted to do! I didn't freeze in admiration, I froze in utter shock! That was by far the longest fucking finger nail I had ever seen! I am certain that there are animals out in the wild that are totally envious of this dude's claw!

What he done next is what almost convinced me that this dude has a thing for gardening! He started digging in his nose! There must have been a royal itch somewhere deep in that nasal cavity because he probed it with his claw till it was almost completely invisible to my short sighted eye! He started pulling these very disturbing faces that confuckulated the shit out of me! Was he enjoying it or what? Wtf?

He looked relieved when he was done as if he had just taken a major crap! Taking deep breath's and shit! He then wiped the residue on his claw on his pants! Yeah, my thoughts exactly... Sif dude!

Next time you want to spring clean the inside of your "double barrel"... Please get a room... Preferably with no windows!

Ciao. Please Stay Tuned! :-)

PS: If I ever were to be president I would make public displays of "nasal gardening" Illegal! Raping your nose is wrong! Imagine how violated your nose feels!?!

Monday Madness

Why are mondays after a legendary weekend that much more fucked up?

Work dragged liked a bitch today! So much more than usual... Then on days like today, your "service with a smile" policy just goes for a bag of shit! Case in point, I snapped at a dude today because he was hard of hearing and asked me to repeat myself twice! Poor deaf tool! How could I!? Later that day, I was falling asleep and a young lady walked in and asked me if I was sleeping? I thought to myself... No I just like pretending to be asleep for the goodness of my fucking health! Ofcourse I'm fucking asleep! You sleep for four hours and then come to work, see how alert you will be!... Instead I let out the most condescending chuckle you can possibly imagine and agreed! it went something like this: "(Blank stare)...hahaha(briefly)...Yes...I'm asleep! (Blank Stare)"

I'm watching the movie "Domino" as I type this, brilliant movie, well directed, well written, excellent dialogue... Everything about this movie just works!(For me anyway!)... Off beat, disturbingly funny with a story to tell! The fact that Keira Knightley acts in it helps ALOT! She is gorgeous!

I'm just relieved that his craptastic day is finally coming to an end! Tomorrow will be a new day with new events, new stories and new discoveries... One thing that will unfortunately be the same is this flu... (Cough, cough)... (Sniff, sniff)... Totally sucks!

Ciao. Stay tuned!

Farmers Weekly-Edition two!

This weekend was awesome!I went to a farm with a couple of good friends... Yes, I know you must be a thinking... A FARM!? What The Fuck!? Right!? Well this is no ordinary farm!

There isn't any kind of vegetation and shit! The only thing you harvest here are good times with just a touch of some serious "health issues" on the side! But nothing a beer can't fix! The last time I went, that's right "Edition 1", I ended up passed out on a sofa and when I woke up, my glasses were broken, my head was "screaming" for mercy and I discovered that I had "breakfast in bed" but there was more breakfast on the bed than in my stomach! The photo's were even more disturbing!

So back to "Edition two"... I got just as hammered! but no breakfast in bed and I actually passed out on a bed! So not too bad, but equally legendary!

Believe it or not, my weekend was educational! Besides a goodtime and a wicked hangover, what else could I possibly take from this? Well, I have absolutely no doubt that you learn from your mistakes! We all certainly do! But, we also learn from other peoples fuck ups... I certainly did this weekend! I learnt that you do not, under any circumstances mix beer with artificial sweetners! ;-). I also learnt how to play casino... YEAH! I didn't know how to play it and I can't believe it took me 25 years to learn! Does this mean that there is still hope? Will I ever learn to ride a bicycle!? I also found the miracle cure to a hangover! A beer... Or two! Yes hangovers are just like fucking snake bites, you go back to the "source" to find the cure!

I am listening to songs on "You Tube" while I write this, it is fucking awesome... Listening to Pearl Jam and All sorts of other cool shit!

Hope your weekend was as awesome as mine! Please stay tuned!

Ciao. :-)

Lets be frank about the beans...

Firstly, my apologies for the long absence.

Sunday was women's day, I was at work reading the "Sunday Times" newspaper and went directly to my favourite section, the back page! On it was a story of a young englishman who went to the Greek Islands on holiday, while having a night out in the town he had a sudden urge that could not be satisfied by a salad alone!

He saw a pretty young local and decided to approach her to ask if she was up for a round of "Slap n Tickle" or two, she gave him the "cold shoulder" and went on about her business. The young man was determined and FIRMLY believed that persistence pays off, so he continued on his quest to try and convince the young lady that there was much MORE to him than just slurred speech and napalm breath! She still wouldn't budge and continued to avoid him as if he was a bad case of herpes!

So the young man still refused to accept defeat, he was a man of action and had a plan, he FIRMLY(These are FIRMLY puns by the way!) believed that actions speak louder than words, so off he went again but this time instead of telling her how he felt, he showed her! He whipped out the "mini-him" and literally showed her what she would be missing if she showed him her shoulder again!

She responed to his "passionate" gesture with just as much fire by throwing the sambuca she was drinking all over it and in the HEAT of the moment not so accidently put it on fire with her lighter! Poor guy! She obviously likes her sausages a little over "medium rare" or was impressed by the size of the "coffee beans" and wanted to test if they were as flammable as the regular ones she would normally put in sambuca!

The guy should learn how to take NO for an answer and he should know now that persistence doesn't always pay off! Alternatively, he should get himself a pair of fire proof underwear or stop hitting on girls who drink sambuca!

Wow! Man's best friend comes standard with fleas, bad breath and four legs... Women's best friend comes in a bottle, lighter not included and beans may vary in size and go according to preference! ;-)

Ciao... Please Stay Tuned! :-)

Burp

Burp...Burp...BURRRPPP!!! I love burping! I love it and I'm not even good at it! To belt out the most crass noises at the highest possible level of decibels I need to drink something fizzy! (Preferably beer)

I'm not one of those dudes that can just burp at any decided moment as if I it's as easy as breathing! I am not fortunate enough to have that talent! But I am truly amazed at people who are that gifted... You know the types who can say their names and burp at the same time, that makes me laugh! Stop cringing now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with burping! It's a sign that you have enjoyed whatever went through the oral cavity! You must be thinking... Of all the things I could possibly be writing about... What the fuck made me write about this!? Well because i'm feeling kinda generous... I am going to share with you the root of this blogpost.

At work today, after downing a half litre of liquid fizz, I let out a massive burp that resonated throughout every crevis of the confined space I found myself in... Leaving a string of SHOCKED faces in it's path as it travelled! Some found my digestive indiscretion humorous... Others were clearly disgusted but moved on knowing that the "damage" had been done... But there was one particular human being (of female persuasion ofcourse!) who was both disgusted and quite pissed off to put it lightly... She proceeded by giving me a piece of her mind (I'm guessing my burp didn't convince her of how full I was!) and decided to call me names, that in my opinion, were alot more digusting than my burp! After unleashing a series of seriously disturbing diatribes at me she demanded that I apologize for my burp... To which I blatantly refused!

I amusingly tried to explain to her that if I said the word "sorry" or "excuse me"... I would be LYING! (Which in my books is a much worse offense than burping in public) What should I be sorry for? Killing my thirst? Eating my food? What should I be excused for? I went one day to a pizza place (Bear in mind that I wasn't 100% sober when this occured) and I burped fairly loudly, much to the dismay of the grey haired lad who was standing next to me waiting to buy his food... Why are people so disgusted by burping? Farting, I understand... But burping!? What's wrong with that!?

There's only one place I wouldn't burp... in Church... I think it would be a tad rude to be grazing a big mac with a kilo of coke while Father X says his sermon... Don't you? (Kidding... That's just down right wrong!) ;-)

Ciao. Stay Tuned.

Fucking Monday

Don't be shocked because besides adequately expressing my deep and intense feelings for this craptastic day we are currently going through, I am doing so CLEANLY! Yes, Fucking is officially not a swear word! I shit you not... Google: Fucking- Austria and see for yourself!

I was doing my usual thing last week at work, while paging through the newspaper and to my amazement and relief I saw an article on a little village called Fucking in Austria! I laughed my Fucking (have to use capitals now because Fucking is officially a proper noun!) Minge off and was quite chuffed about it! Now according to the article, there is a sign there with the name of the village and the area just infront of it is apparently a FIRM favourite place (pun totally intended!) among lovers to play slap and tickle, much to the dismay of the resident's who have to apparently contend with the live "sex shows" at all hours of the day! Due to their heightened levels of disappointment, they protested and now apparently the powers that be have installed CCTV cameras at said sign to watch some free porn and catch the fuckers! Hilarious, I know!

I would love to go there on holiday! Can you imagine how entertaining it would be to read all the signs there:
1) Fucking General Hospital 2) Fucking National Library
3) Fucking Primary School 4) Fucking Highschool
5) Fucking Trapeze Circus 6) Little Fucks Fucking Nursery School
7) Fucking pharmacy 8) Fucking Video Store
9) Fucking Five Star Hotel 10) Your One Stop Grocery Fucking shop

These are just a handful of the signs I imagine seeing there... I wonder if there is a Virgin Active Gym there? Fucking Virgin Active!?

These are just afew of the things that i wonder about this Fucking place! Goodnight all... it's time to go get my daily fix of Zzz's so this Fucking(Just keeping with the theme!) Monday can finish faster!

Ciao. Please Stay Tuned.

Friends and Whisky

On Friday night I had dinner with a couple of awesome friends! I ate a fat, juicy steak with some french fries and a couple of beers... We also had to put up with a waitress who couldn't tell the difference between Southern Comfort and Spiced Gold... Opting to keep sending one of my mates the former when he specifically ordered the latter... Doing my best to be a good friend, I gladly took the unwanted "Comforts" off of his hands! ;-)

It was a great, entertaining evening where the topics of discussion ranged from SHMEGMA to the royal piss ups that are due to be experienced in the coming weekends! Last night I went to a braai and saw an "old friend" who goes by the name of "Johnnie Walker", he was "dressed" in red yesterday! ;-)... As I mentioned on FB, I was freezing my Minge off... So I decided to emulate my fellow human beings of Irish descent and induldged in a session of "Irish Milk" drinking... Early this morning though I began to regret that decision very much as I lay in bed in the Fetal position trying to calm "the beast" that suddenly took residence in my stomach! It was a sight that no doubt left all Irishmen who have passed on to heaven (Due to "Milk" related health complications) in stitches! I could've sworn I heard someone shout "PUSSY!" and laugh very loudly while I layed in agony...

It was at that moment that I realised it was best to leave any kind of "deals" with the "Walker" family to the pro's... The Irish and to stick to what I do best... Beer! So now that I have come to terms with the fact that my DNA has absolutely no resemblance to that of an Irishman's because I got so sick without getting shit-faced on whisky... You probably wondering if i'm going to stop drinking whisky? Well considering the fact that I am feeling much better at this moment and knowing very well that "practise makes perfect"... I think NOT! :-)

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Ciao. Stay tuned. :-)